Mid-life crisis, anyone?
I had a conversation last week with a friend/ex-colleague/current customer (by the way – I love this combination! I remember when I was just starting out my boss told me you couldn’t be friends with people at work – what a load of absolute bollocks! Also, sorry – got distracted really early there!)…about the menopause. Why am I writing about that you may ask? And in fact, I’ve asked myself the same question. It’s not something I ever thought I’d write about in a business context.
The reason we were speaking about it is that he was due to attend some menopause training at his workplace…so we had a full-on conversation about it. Which was actually lovely! Firstly, very well done to that company, and other companies who are starting to address the issue. Secondly, what was lovely is that it’s not something I’ve ever felt comfortable discussing with a male colleague before and because of that training, he handled the discussion really well and I felt seen and appreciated.
Hands up, I’m menopausal (you didn’t see that coming, did you?). Last year, I turned 50 which is the bang-on average age to hit the menopause and here I am a year later, with no periods in the intervening gap, which makes me post-menopausal. If you’re still here, well done, and why should you care? Well, two reasons…firstly there’s a lot of people my age in the business world. Secondly, if you’re a woman you shouldn’t feel (like I did/still do a bit) uncomfortable about talking about this stuff. It’s just a natural thing – literally everyone with a womb goes through it in some shape or form. And if you’re a man, then the chances are that your wife, partner, friend, girlfriend (or your mum, depending on your age!) has gone / is going through it. Certainly, a bunch of your female colleagues will be either going through it; or starting to have some symptoms – called the perimenopause.
So, what can you do about it? Well, I’ve been pretty lucky – my symptoms weren’t too bad and I’m now on HRT which has improved them even more. But if you’re suffering – don’t suffer in silence! Part of the reason for writing this piece was to bring attention to it. Davina McCall has also done some great work with this. Secondly, get some help. Dr Louise Newson, a GP and leading menopause specialist is also doing some fantastic work in sharing awareness and helping women get support. Check out her website, podcast and social stuff at www.nhmenopausesociety.org and @balancemenopause
Maybe even more important – be kind and considerate. A lot of women will struggle to talk about this stuff, especially in the IT sector where we’re still outnumbered by men in a lot of the rooms and meetings we’re in. If you see someone looking hot and flustered, or like she’s struggling, don’t make a joke about hot flushes…maybe suggest a break and quietly ask if she needs anything.
When I hit 50 and the menopause together, I had a real crisis of confidence. I wondered if I was still any good at my job, I wondered what life was about if I couldn’t be a mum anymore, I felt like a central part of my reason to be here was taken away. Honestly, I worried about turning into a dried-up husk that was no use to anyone! Thank God, I’ve come out the other side and realised, I’m still a mum. I can still do my job. I’m still a valuable person. And in fact, although older, I really do feel (a bit) wiser these days. I’m certainly more tolerant and I hope, a bit kinder than my younger self.
The friend I was speaking to said he was really surprised that in the conversations he’d had as part of his training, how open women were about speaking about their menopause experiences. He also said how much they appreciated him being able to speak to them about it. I know I did.
I think it’s weird how I’ve written some really personal posts on LinkedIn about my family, about transgender issues and really hard stuff, but that in some way, this still feels like the hardest post I’ve ever done. As I write we’ve just seen the biggest reversal of female reproductive rights in the US in decades, and so speaking out about this stuff just seemed a bit more important today than it was before last week.
To the women who read this, I hope it’s helped, a bit. To the guys who read this – I hope it’s helped, a bit.
PS Wow – when you google images for ‘mid life crisis’ they are literally all men and sportscars….! Did I just need to buy a sports car?!